TV Guide, eh? This fucking doorslam can go fuck itself. I want to watch T-fucking-V, and I want you to guide me through the traumatic experience. I don’t want your fucking app.
// //

TV Guide, eh? This fucking doorslam can go fuck itself. I want to watch T-fucking-V, and I want you to guide me through the traumatic experience. I don’t want your fucking app.

Wolfram Alpha

Wolfram fucking Alpha. Can you tell me how many people want your fucking app, eh?

I don’t want your fucking app.

Where are the data?

Do users really hate #doorslam pop-ups? I’ve receive this email from a webmaster whose site was featured here. (Published with permission)

Interesting idea. I will recommend we A/B test some “doorslam” to see if it qualifies as a true anti-pattern – for me the criteria is not opinion but measured user response based on acquisition, usage and retention. It is quite hard to measure the impact of this one because by definition successful app acquisitions tend to lead to reduction in that cohorts m-site use and the loop between site and app download is hard to measure due to a lack of affiliate install tracking in app stores. What I can measure however is whether door slams reduce the session funnel for users who do not utilise the download vs users who never see the slam.

Good food 4 thought.

He’s absolutely correct.  Without seeing hard data, it’s impossible to say with any degree of confidence whether pushing apps in this aggressive manner is a turn-off for the average customer.

The feedback this tumblr has received is that people are annoyed with the tactic.  But emotion is no substitute for the facts.

All Things Digital? The only thing more fucking annoying than a fucking #doorslam for your own app is a #doorslam for someone else’s fucking app!
I mean, for fuck’s sake, what the fuck were they thinking?
"Oh, hey, I really want to read this cool article about… Whoa! No! I want to download some bullshit app from a fucking airline and book a flight to the middle of fucking nowhere!" <- said no one. Ever.
I don’t want your fucking app - and I don’t want their  fucking app!
// //

All Things Digital? The only thing more fucking annoying than a fucking #doorslam for your own app is a #doorslam for someone else’s fucking app!

I mean, for fuck’s sake, what the fuck were they thinking?

"Oh, hey, I really want to read this cool article about… Whoa! No! I want to download some bullshit app from a fucking airline and book a flight to the middle of fucking nowhere!" <- said no one. Ever.

I don’t want your fucking app - and I don’t want their fucking app!

Hey, PressePortal.de Was zum Teufel? Dieses Stück verdammte Scheiße ist widerlich. Ich will nicht dein verdammtes Handy-Anwendung!
// //

Hey, PressePortal.de Was zum Teufel? Dieses Stück verdammte Scheiße ist widerlich. Ich will nicht dein verdammtes Handy-Anwendung!

Tapatalk? Fuckashit more like (look, it’s late and I’m fucking exhausted). This fucking pop-up infests nearly every fucking forum I visit. What’s fucking worse is when I hit the fucking CANCEL button I get ANOTHER FUCKING POP-UP.

Let me make this clear: I don’t want your fucking app. I still don’t want your fucking app!

TheFreeDictionary. This behaviour makes me say &#8220;fuck you fucks for this fuckwittery&#8221; - by which I have signalled my angry dismissal of you foolish people for wasting my time.
I don&#8217;t want your fucking app!
(Thanks to @SecretLondon for the tip. She fucking rocks)

// //

TheFreeDictionary. This behaviour makes me say “fuck you fucks for this fuckwittery” - by which I have signalled my angry dismissal of you foolish people for wasting my time.

I don’t want your fucking app!

(Thanks to @SecretLondon for the tip. She fucking rocks)

Taste dot com dot Australi-fucking-a. No. NO! I want my fucking wonton soup recipe and I want it fucking NOW! I don&#8217;t want your fucking app!
// //

Taste dot com dot Australi-fucking-a. No. NO! I want my fucking wonton soup recipe and I want it fucking NOW! I don’t want your fucking app!

Flickr, you fuckr. I want to view a fucking photograph, not wade through a fucking app install process. Ge the fuck out of my way. I don&#8217;t want your fucking app!
// //

Flickr, you fuckr. I want to view a fucking photograph, not wade through a fucking app install process. Ge the fuck out of my way. I don’t want your fucking app!

Intstructables? What the fuck is this fucking bullshit? You&#8217;ve got a fucking awesome mobile website - so what&#8217;s the fucking point in slamming the goddamned door in my face? Listen, you bunch of putrid chugnuggets, I don&#8217;t want your fucking app.
// //

Intstructables? What the fuck is this fucking bullshit? You’ve got a fucking awesome mobile website - so what’s the fucking point in slamming the goddamned door in my face? Listen, you bunch of putrid chugnuggets, I don’t want your fucking app.

Hey, Sky, instead of this fucking #doorslam why not take me to YOUR FUCKING MOBILE SITE! Remember, the one at http://m.tyneandwear.sky.com/static/v5343/tyneandwear/mobile - FFS, what&#8217;s the fucking point of spending all that fucking money developing a mobile friendly site and then forget to direct your fucking audience there?
I don&#8217;t want your fucking app!
// //

Hey, Sky, instead of this fucking #doorslam why not take me to YOUR FUCKING MOBILE SITE! Remember, the one at http://m.tyneandwear.sky.com/static/v5343/tyneandwear/mobile - FFS, what’s the fucking point of spending all that fucking money developing a mobile friendly site and then forget to direct your fucking audience there?

I don’t want your fucking app!

Dear Rotten Tomatoes, &#8220;Cancel to continue&#8221; - really?
Look, I&#8217;m trying to read a moview review quickly. I don&#8217;t want to have to piss about installing an app and then trying to find the fucking movie I was looking for in the first place.
I don&#8217;t want your fucking app.
// //

Dear Rotten Tomatoes, “Cancel to continue” - really?

Look, I’m trying to read a moview review quickly. I don’t want to have to piss about installing an app and then trying to find the fucking movie I was looking for in the first place.

I don’t want your fucking app.

The Daily Fucking Mail&#8217;s #doorslam. Not content with smug hypocritical moralising, they&#8217;re advertising that their website is so shite that you&#8217;d be better off leaving and going elsewhere. Actually, that&#8217;s a good idea - every time you feel like reading the Daily Mail, punch yourself in the face repeatedly until the feeling subsides.
The silly thing is, the Daily Fail (see what I did there?!?!?!) used to have  a pretty good mobile site. It was in beta for about a year and then they killed it.  They probably found out that the web is a European Socialist invention.
I don&#8217;t want their toxic brand of filth and I certainly don&#8217;t want their fucking app.
// //

The Daily Fucking Mail’s #doorslam. Not content with smug hypocritical moralising, they’re advertising that their website is so shite that you’d be better off leaving and going elsewhere. Actually, that’s a good idea - every time you feel like reading the Daily Mail, punch yourself in the face repeatedly until the feeling subsides.

The silly thing is, the Daily Fail (see what I did there?!?!?!) used to have  a pretty good mobile site. It was in beta for about a year and then they killed it.  They probably found out that the web is a European Socialist invention.

I don’t want their toxic brand of filth and I certainly don’t want their fucking app.

Quora&#8217;s #doorslam won&#8217;t even let you read more than one fucking answer without their fucking app. What&#8217;s the fucking point in that? I want to use your fucking site and you&#8217;re pushing me the fuck away. Fuckstains. I don&#8217;t want your fucking app.
// //

Quora’s #doorslam won’t even let you read more than one fucking answer without their fucking app. What’s the fucking point in that? I want to use your fucking site and you’re pushing me the fuck away. Fuckstains. I don’t want your fucking app.

Forbes, a fucking #doorslam which doesn&#8217;t show a fucking thing is fucking useless. Still, at least you&#8217;re not pushing a bullshit app.
// //

Forbes, a fucking #doorslam which doesn’t show a fucking thing is fucking useless. Still, at least you’re not pushing a bullshit app.